Archive for September 2010
When we were two, we knew exactly what we wanted. We felt an absolute sense of entitlement about everything as well: when we wanted something, we knew instinctively that we had the right to want it and we expected to get it.
So What Happened?
Unfortunately, as we grew older and were socialized as children and adults, we learned the opposite of this. We were taught to deny our wills for the most part and as a result we lost touch with a powerful part of ourselves and our ability to create the lives that we want. We were taught to defer to others: our parents, siblings, teachers, friends. We learned to give up on what we wanted in order to please and pacify others. In order to be loved. In order to be accepted. In order to fit in.
And so, we got confused when later in life we were expected to suddenly be self-directed and know what we wanted to do with our lives and have the strength of will to achieve it.
I Think This Explains A Lot
No wonder there are so many unhappy people in the world doing things that they really don’t want to. Most people have learned this lesson so well that they don’t even know what they really do want. That will muscle hasn’t had much exercise. They’ve got a good strong “please other people” muscle, but that doesn’t get you very far when you spend eight hours or more a day doing something that doesn’t fulfill or inspire you.
We’ve gotten really good at jumping through other people’s hoops and then distracting ourselves from the still small voice within by watching TV or surfing the net with the time we have to ourselves. We seem to have lost the ability to create and choose and command and commit to a path and follow it until we achieve it.
What Can We Do About It?
We don’t have many resources for being trained in developing our wills in this way and it sure isn’t common in our culture. But the strong-willed passion of our two-year-old selves is still there. It may be buried, the muscle may be weak, but it can be cultivated and encouraged to get stronger once again.
In my next post, I’ll give you some ideas that will help you reconnect with that strength of will and begin to re-build you ability to know what you want and to get it.
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Live Your Dream with the Your Inspiring Life Program
Do you remember Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? That was one of my favorite books as a kid. As I’m sure you remember, there’s a little girl in the story named Veruca Salt who is supposed to be a cautionary character, illustrating a terrible character trait for a child to have which is this: she knows what she wants and she demands that she get it. As soon she discovers that she wants something, she demands that it be hers. In our culture, as the book illustrates very clearly, we call a child who does this a “spoiled brat.”
What I Realized
But, I had a powerful insight last night. I went to bed, feeling a deep feisty determination to achieve an important goal that I have. I thought: I want it now! Universe, give it to me now!
And then, I realized I sounded just like Veruca Salt. I realized that in our lives and in our culture overall, we have been taught not be like Veruca. That being like her is BAD. As a result, many of us feel like our strength of will is not as strong as we would like it to be. For myself, I am capable of getting very inspired and I am absolutely open to my heart showing me new wonderful ideas that I would like to experience and master. However, at times, I find myself losing steam, even on ideas that truly inspire me. Particularly before I learned EFT and meditation, I would let those horrible negative beliefs take over and drown out the inspiration and the will to achieve whatever my heart had been calling me to do.
Which brings us back to Veruca Salt. That girl knew how to get what she wanted.
“Don’t care how, I want it NOW!”
Imagine having that kind of strength of will. I’m telling you, when that girl grows up, she is going to get what she wants in life.
Oh I know, on the down side, there’s that part of her that epitomizes the potentially never-ending feeling of need and dissatisfaction, the seeking outside of ourselves for happiness and well-being. Okay, if that’s part of what she was feeling, then she needs to deal with that in order to be truly, unconditionally happy. (And I can help her with that with a little tapping. 🙂 )
But you know what? I remember that Veruca Salt really enjoyed herself in that chocolate factory. She ran through the Chocolate Room, eating and playing with the rest of them. It’s just that when she wanted something, she expected to get it.
And I know that the book and movie show her wanting lots of material things, which of course we all do. That’s a whole other can of worms… our negative beliefs about whether it’s okay to want lots of “stuff.” What I say is that we are physical beings and it’s wonderful and fun to have things that are beautiful and enjoyable in our lives.
She Shows Us the First Step to Get What We Want
I imagine that Veruca’s also got a strong sense of herself and what she wants to do with her time and her life. I doubt that she would compromise on her vision for her life and she would never take no for an answer. Imagine what she’d say to someone who told her she couldn’t do what she dreamed of with her life. And could you see Veruca Salt spending 30 years at a job that bored her when she grew up? Not likely.
So, what negative beliefs come up when you think about Veruca Salt?
How about some of these to start:
- She’s a spoiled brat.
- She’s mean to the other kids because she pushes to get in first.
- She’s always asking for what she wants and it annoys other people.
- She can’t just be happy with what she has.
- She keeps asking her father for what she wants and she knows he will give her anything if she is persistent enough. And she usually doesn’t even have to be very persistent to get it.
- She is willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants.
- Willy Wonka and the others don’t like her because of this.
Icky. Those are some icky beliefs. If you take a step back, can you see what effect beliefs like these have on us collectively and on each of us personally?
Here’s what I say: knowing what you want and being determined to do whatever it takes to get it is GOOD.
It’s not a bad thing.
We have to be willing to be Veruca Salt! I’m serious. We have to learn to demand what we want, expect it to come to us, and not give up until we get it.
If you feel a lot of resistance to that idea, it’s is time to use EFT to get rid of your limiting beliefs. If you’re not familiar with EFT, I encourage you to sign up for my free eCourse where I’ll teach you how to use EFT and the five steps to living an inspiring life. You can sign up in the upper right corner of this page.
Give yourself permission to demand that the Universe give you everything you want out of life, just like Veruca does. You deserve it.
In my next couple of posts, I’ll go over what happened to us and what we can do to strengthen our wills. You can also subscribe here to my blog to get notified of all my new posts and videos as they go up.
Thanks for reading. And please feel free to leave a comment below and let me know what you think of Veruca Salt.
Live Your Dream. Your Inspiring Life
So many of us have dreams in our hearts that we have wanted to pursue all of our lives. So, what is it that holds us back from reaching for those dreams and doing everything in our power to achieve them? I think I have the answer and I know what can be done about it.
I truly believe that we each have the capacity within us to achieve whatever we set our minds to. We are never given a dream without also being given the ability to achieve it.
However, what happens too often is that we let ourselves get pulled down by our fears and negative beliefs about our abilities and our potential. We have learned to protect ourselves from being hurt by disappointment or failure. Unfortunately, this fear often leads to avoidance of the very thing that will bring us the most joy and fulfillment in our lives.
Think about this: The very thing we are most afraid of, failing to succeed at our heartfelt dreams, is exactly what we guarantee will happen if we don’t try.
Our hearts do guide us. We get flashes of inspiration, thoughts of how wonderful it would be to do something that sounds like it might be fun and fulfilling. But then, the negative beliefs kick in. And they go like this: “Yes, that would be nice, but…” and then we proceed to remind ourselves of all the reasons we can’t do what we really want to do. And there goes the dream, buried again beneath a pile of negative beliefs.
So What’s the Solution?
The negative beliefs that arise when you think about pursuing your dreams are simply this: thoughts. And you can change your thoughts. Here’s a simple method to get you started on this:
Step One: What are the Negative Beliefs?
Write down the negative thoughts that come up when you think about following your dream. Just write them down and get them out of your head. Sometimes, this is all you need to do to recognize that the thoughts in your head are not the absolute truth. Writing them down gives you a chance to step back and look at your habitual patterns of thinking more objectively.
Step Two: Are They True?
Read over the negative belief you wrote down and ask yourself this: Is this really true? Then, make an effort to challenge the negative belief. Write a response down that begins like this: Well, that’s just a thought and it’s not really true. Here’s why: And write down at least three reasons why that negative belief is not absolutely true for you.
Step Three: You Can Do It
Next, write down the goal that you would love to accomplish and then write: I can achieve this dream and here’s why: Then challenge yourself to write down at least three reasons why you can succeed. I think you’ll find that the more you write, the more positive you will feel about your goal and your ability to achieve it.
Try this once, and you’ll discover that your feelings become much more positive and hopeful as you do. Your feelings follow your thoughts. Change your thoughts and anything is possible. With practice, you’ll be able to change those negative thoughts in your head as soon as they arise.
EFT Really Turbocharges This Process
Of course, if you know me, you know that I think EFT is the quickest and most effective way to release those negative beliefs and replace them with new, empowering beliefs that motivate you to really follow your heart and succeed. That’s why my whole Your Inspiring Life self-help program uses EFT as the foundation for letting go of those negative beliefs that have been holding us back from following our dreams.
Remember, you can try my free EFT recording and sign-up for my free eCourse right here on my website. Both of these resources will teach you EFT and show you how to use this powerful technique to free you from those negative beliefs that have been keeping you from really going for that dream in your heart and make it happen.
For the free recording, go to the home page and scroll down to the free recording. For the free eCourse, just sign up on the sidebar in the upper right corner of this page.
After you try them out, I’d love it if you would leave me a comment here on my blog and let me know what you think. Thanks!